Building Confidence After An Unwanted Change



If you've ever experienced a significant unwanted change, a job loss, breakup, or illness, it's likely your confidence took a nosedive.


After an unwanted change, we often experience an "if-then" attitude toward confidence. Meaning, our confidence will return when we do well. And it's true experience breeds confidence.


However, it's essential to know and believe that confidence comes from within us. In any transition, the degree of confidence we have at any point in time reflects our attitudes, energy, and consciousness.


What makes confidence elusive during an unwanted change is our fears of the unknown and potential failure. And while there are effective ways to shore up our confidence, like changing our vocabulary and stepping outside our comfort zone, coming to terms with our fears and failures requires a bit more self-exploration.


Here are a few easy confidence-building exercises to try.


1) Replace fearful vocabulary with powerful words

I can't > I won't

I should > I could

It's a problem > It's an opportunity

I hope>I know

If only>Next time


2) Step outside your comfort zones. Do something new and different that enables you to expand your perspective.


To manage our fears, spend a bit more time journaling and thinking differently about failure.


3)Reframe or re-write the fears you are experiencing. Pick an area in your life where fear is holding you back and journal about:

  1. What do you desire?

  2. What fears hold you back from attaining what you want?

  3. Where do these fears come from, and are they real?

  4. How do the fears make you feel?

  5. What would you feel like without those feelings?

  6. What strengths can you call on to help you overcome those feelings?

  7. What actions can you take to help you overcome those feelings?

  8. Imagine how you'll feel after taking those actions.

4) Find gifts in failure:

  • Experiencing failure builds your sense of security, self-esteem, resilience.

  • Failure prepares you for success.

  • Failure helps us develop compassion, humility, wisdom, and courage,

  • Failure, like success, is a temporary state. It forces us to focus on what really matters.

  • Failures provide new opportunities.

  • Failing makes you fearless.

5) Adopt a win-win decision-making strategy. Most often, we look at our decision paths as right/wrong and good/bad. In a win-win model, whichever direction you choose will be correct. Good things will result regardless.